2022 is almost over. I first thought I’d write a semester recap, then decided to do a full year-end review instead.

Mindset

My psychology shifted a lot this year—first half I gave up on myself; second half I found hope and tried to change. I don’t really want to rehash the past; once I pass a milestone I tend to forget everything before it. I wanted to write down at least the “key” that made me change, but the motive for picking up that key was probably already in how I think—untraceable. I went through some dark stretches; luckily I climbed out. I’m more open mentally and more willing to try new things. Freshman year I feared both difficulty and novelty—when things got hard I wanted to run. When every step feels heavy, that’s when you have to change.

Studies

First half I avoided things; second half I faced them. It’s still far from perfect with lots of room to grow, but I believe I’m getting better. Next year’s theme will probably be grad-school prep—I hope to build a solid foundation in the subjects and chip away at bad habits: more focus, more real thinking, more full engagement.

Social life

Second semester I was bolder with people—initiated contact and talked more. The more I interacted, the more I felt my judgment maturing and my handling of relationships improving. I’d reflect on missteps—sometimes too eager, sometimes too cold, sometimes poor emotional control—and think: thanks everyone for being so forgiving; I’ll keep improving. My skin got thicker too—I emailed paper authors about code, asked grad programs and seniors about labs, and so on. Put yourself in their shoes: stay sincere, polite, grateful, and ask openly. If someone says no, don’t take it personally—no one owes you answers. Thank them and find another way.

Romance

No progress, but I feel more mature and rational than a year ago. Keep growing; people meant to meet will meet.

Life

If something interested me this year, I tried it—became a participant (Stable Diffusion, ChatGPT, Linux) instead of only watching—and noticed how I actually felt. Overall it made me happy. After dabbling broadly, the next step is to concentrate time and energy. Focused and determined. I’m more considerate of family, understand them better, love them more. Thanks for loving me unconditionally at my worst; I won’t let them down. The wider world—so many unbelievable things happened in society this year I barely know what to say. I just tell myself not to forget, then focus on what I’m doing so I can change my situation and take care of family.

Reading

About twenty books—roughly half last year’s count. Mostly winter and summer breaks. Mid–first semester I read a big chunk of Zhang Weiying’s Principles of Economics; after midterms second semester I read Linus’s Just for Fun. I finished almost all Murakami except travelogues, and re-read all of Wang Xiaobo (started last year, finished this year). Read a lot of blogs—Huo Ju’s stood out; I learned a ton.

Writing

I wrote a short story and posted it on a public account; sharing to Moments was the first time I put my writing out there. In October I started another piece but didn’t finish, then this year-end note. I hope to think more deeply and produce more, but I won’t force it—the real priority lies elsewhere.

Cyberpunk

Worth a mention. Summer I saw Stray (cat protagonist), bought it, cleared it in one eight-hour stretch. What hooked me most wasn’t the cat—it was the cyberpunk setting; in a way what happens there feels like it’s happening now, which pulled me in. I traced back—Ghost in the Shell (film and anime), Cyberpunk: Edgerunners in two days, etc. Next I want classic cyberpunk novels like Neuromancer. Maybe I’ll dye my hair blue someday haha.

Documentaries

Two great people via docs. From Huo Ju’s blog I learned about Aaron Swartz; one day I watched The Internet’s Own Boy and was drawn to his ideals—“He is the Internet’s own boy, and the old world killed him.” The other is Eliud Kipchoge—deeply inspiring; during midterms I watched the same highlight reel daily for motivation. Every marathon is like grabbing branch after branch to climb a tree—step by step to experiences and breakthroughs you’ve never had. “Average talent means you endure pain to learn”—I agree. Life is a marathon in every sense.

Events

Second half I volunteered at the 2022 China Open Source Conference—had fun and made friends. The biggest gain was learning to coordinate time: the event was the day before my EM midterm. Old me would have skipped it; I didn’t, crammed EM, and did fine on the midterm. My worst mistake: as a volunteer I coordinated with a participant maybe in his forties; he reached to shake hands, I was surprised and started talking about logistics without shaking—his hand hung there then he withdrew… Most impolite thing I’ve done; won’t repeat it :crying_cat_face:. Don’t give up—show up and live it.

Closing

Anyway, 2022 is done; 2023 is coming. I believe I’ll keep getting better—stay kind, see my flaws, improve. Next year I want to go deeper professionally and grow faster mentally. The theme will likely be grad prep; I hope on Dec 31, 2023, when I write this again, I can exhale with satisfaction. Commentator He Wei after Messi’s World Cup win said something like: “No fate, however long and tangled, is more than the instant you fully see who you are.” I want that instant from experience.